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color-craz · 6 months ago

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AF MidWeek Round-up!

This is just a simple post compiling all of my attacks so far along with some artists notes! Mostly because I found myself much more active this year than last year (Minus these few couple days due to some appointments). I'll be tagging everyone and linking to other socials so you can see these lovely folks. Of course if you want to attack me, I'm ready to fight! Without further ado, here's all the attacks so far :>

@cosmicdenro @stellarknightz - Weekend Date The name of the game for these first few attacks was to get everyone who I was supposed to last year but ran out of time ^^;;. I decided upon Jesse's Zircon over Jesse the character (one in my bookmarks) b/c it seemed like Turquoise Zircon was less drawn this year but was his icon on AF. So easy pick from me :> (Btw doing Sodalite's stripes and copying Zircon's shape language was really fun!!)

@/clawothy (Twitter) - Chill Cat Another attack from last years bookmarks! It was definitely a soft but enjoyable opening into drawing furries since Claw's so human shaped. It was fun drawing his tail and patterns :>. This is just a nice character design all around.

@twidaisi - Speedy Service Twi was also one from my bookmarks, but also a doorway down an ArtFight rabbit hole. Which will become apparent in the next two pieces. For this one, I had a pretty clear pose in mind so I placed it onto O.R.B.I and went from there!! His design is so neat and he seems so cool! The pose was also pretty fun to do as well, just an overall fun art piece (Also this one got a revenge!!! I still really really love thank you so much!!!!!)

@scratchgeist - Escapism Ho! This was a doozy! Twi had Scratch's profile linked so I ended up hitting him with an attack too. Drawing Scratch's mane turned out to be a pleasant experience despite me originally fearing it. This scene idea also came from a prompt of Scratch going outside. I ended up putting Polish on this because all those scratchy "ink like" lines I actually did manually (take a fuzzy brush and then go over it using a sketchbook eraser). It was nice dipping my toes into BatIM again and trying out more animal feature.

@/stylin.art Instagram @/crypticc0rpse Instagram - Pirates in arms One of those two people were linked on Scratch's profile and the person linked also linked to the other person. But I realized that both Stylin and Crypt had some shared characters. So this ended my little rabbit hole of people by attacking these two lovely fellows at the same time. This little crossing swords idea took me a nice minute to come up with but I liked how it ended up anyway. I really did like drawing James together like this (probably helps that I really like pirates in general). Also yes I know her hand is fucked up I noticed way to late to fix it.

@smoresthehalloweenqueen - Listen to the waves Once I finished up with that I moved onto the next bookmark, which was Smores! Originally I was gonna draw Brutus but then I was like "I like his sona it looks like fun!" So I drew them listening to music because why not :>. I struggled on the arms initially but it came out real clean and nice. Honestly might be my best work so far! (Fun fact, I color picked the waves + background from Seafoam's icon.)

@skittisketch - I got it! Mr. Sascachawean himself! I referenced this pose form the classic Objection point because I thought it would fit his personality. This was also a little bit of a test with a style I had only done in sketches (Basically my human style but omitting a neck which somehow shaves off a lot of time). This was a super fun pose to do with a pretty nice background! (Once again, fucked up hand I know I noticed too late again)

@justpainterrobot - Rare Nightly Sight I had this really really clear picture of what I thought up for this attack and I'm happy that I was able to make it a reality. I put the polish tag on this one because I almost got super super detailed of what the junk was below her (Stuff coming down from Elysium n all that) but due to a lack of references I just went with typical metal and wood. Fun fact, the night sky in the background is based on the one from Deponia itself (The first game's scenes with the professor at night). I think this rewrite of Toni was really cool from what I could find about her. Overall a labor of love type of attack.

@coelpts @swan-swanno - Boss Battle I thought to myself "Hm, I see Coelpts around a lot, lets hit him with an attack." and it turns out Ciel's gay married to Swanno's charater Mikhail, who was the last one in my bookmarks from last year. So another double attack for this one! It was a struggle starting this one mostly because I was debating whether or not to draw Ciel's Lord outfit but I ended up doing so because why not :>. It was a fun experience copying Swanno's more angular style, which is a stark departure from my more rounded shapes (As you can see here). Has a nice venture doing the lighting as well, overall a good experience.

@tailsylennon - Sweet Treats Mitchell showed off Tasily's proflie one day and I saw their sona and was I was like "Lemme draw it!" and did! I ended up following another prompt by her because it was their birthday! (By the time I started on this it was 8 pm and I freaked tf out and got to work). Her sona was really cool and I really loved drawing them. Fun fact, each of the set pieces references the Hallows Souls trio. The chair is decorated after Terra, Markus is the table, and Whistle pallet is used for the tea set :>. It was just a pleasant and cozy attack to make overall.

@ceaseless-enemy - Congratulations!!!! I've actually known about Voila for quite awhile now and thought his design n theaming is quite neat! I actually based the pose off of Ai from Oshi No Ko (I think one of her key arts before the anime released, ifykyk). But I skillfully cut out the legs because I can't draw digitigrade legs... Hooray... Otherwise it was quite nice to work on this attack in particular, especially the eyes and the hair :>.

@killbent - Getting Ready This is another one I had a real clear idea of prior to doing this, specifically because Killbent gave a prompt to give Mr Fairchime pink hair, so i thought a "pre-show" set up would look nice :>. The lighting was another new venture for me, because I usually do cool/night time like lighting but I think it turned out nicely for Fairchime. It was also fun doing the accessories and stuff on the vanity as well. Fun Fact, it's a bit hard to see through the watermark + lighting but the face paint and pallet both have the colors of his make up! Overall a pleasant and warm attack for this year.

And that's all of them so far! I picked up some new bookmarks + I gotta get Twi back for drawing Compact!! So those will probably be compiled by the end of AF so about, early August-ish if I keep up the pace. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and gracing me with the opportunity to draw all of these amazing characters!

Until next time!

-Gappy, Witch of the Stars

#my art #art #artists on tumblr #gappy's diary #artfight #art fight #artfight attack #af 2024 #team stardust #digital art #digital drawing

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roetrolls · 1 year ago

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veylin do you think mallum was stylin in that wetsuit top and blazer

"Yes! I recall thinking he looked quite handsome when we met."

#veylin ic #an ask tag (happy chase?)

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aceofspadegrass · 4 years ago

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Oops I did it again.

Time for more shades and flowers.

#aib #alice in borderland #ann rizuna #mira kano #morizono aguni #hatter #takeru danma #did i put shades on hatter's shades?#yes i did #gotta complete the look #aguni probably like taped the flowers to the side of his head #or the red one is delicately tucked behind his ear and the white one is very carefully balanced on top #do you know how long it took for me to find a transparent spider lily?#too long #they're all stylin' though not gonna lie #every image of aguni makes him look so sad and tired #he has the face of regret

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yuurivoiceincorporated · 3 years ago

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Ooh! Can I get a comfort thing where Al, Seth and Finn take a hot bubble bath with listener? No nsfw. Just, I like the idea of the boys being spoiled and spoiling Listener. Cuddling or goofing around in the bath… rubbing nice skin lotion on each other’s backs… massages… face masks… just everybody getting to decompress, including listener!

Masquerade of the Bathroom

-Alphonse x reader, Seth x reader, Finn x reader (separate)

-gender neutral reader

Alphonse:

“Alright, boo. I’ve got the bath ready. You gon’ come in or not?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m coming just give me a bit.”

You hopped into the warm, calming bath. The bubbles tickled your skin gently as you sat in your rightful place—Alphonse’s lap.

“Yeah, come here, Boo…” He put his arms around you.

You giggled as you took some of the bubbles and placed it on Alphonse’s head.

“Boo? What’re you doin’?”

You put more bubbles into his hair, while styling it as well.

“It’s like a…uh…” you squinted. “A hat?”

He chuckled and playfully rolled his eyes at you. “A hat? Really?”

“Ugh, I don’t know what to call it…”

Alphonse pulled out some small packs. “I got face masks. I have quite a few, so I thought you could pick.”

“But, Al!” You whined. “There’s too many options…!”

“Okay, okay, fine. You can pick with your eyes closed.”

You closed your eyes and picked a random mask from Alphonse’s hand.

You opened your eyes. It was a cherry blossom mask.

“Huh, interesting…” you opened the package. “Well, it looks quite nice, actually. And smells really good, too.”

“Yeah, these masks are hella cheap, but they work quite well considering their price. Here, I’ll put it on you.”

He brushed some hair out of your face. “You’ve got such pretty hair, but it’s covering your pretty face!”

You giggled. “I can’t help it, it just covers it up.”

Alphonse gently took the mask from your hands and placed it on your face. It felt colder and colder as he pressed it more onto your face.

“There. You look pretty good with it on.” He snapped a photo of you.

“Al!”

“What? You’re so damn cute, I want to savor the moment. Not my fault, sounds like a you problem.”

You scoffed jokingly. “Can I at least put a mask on YOUR face?”

“Sure, sure.”

He handed you a mask.

You brushed some hair out of his face, mocking Alphonse, “You’ve got such pretty hair, but it’s covering your pretty face!”

Alphonse giggled and threw some bubbles onto you. “You’re tryna imitate me? Wow, real cold, Boo.”

You smiled. “Almost done…”

You evened out his mask on his face. “There.”

“Alright, alright,” Alphonse grinned his cocky grin. “Do I look stylin’ or what?”

You titled your head sideways, and squinted. “Eh, maybe like a… I don’t know, a 6 out of 10 at best.”

“Wha—?! A 6? With THIS face? Absolutely not.”

You laughed, “I’m just kidding. Now, hold still so I can get a photo of you…!

Bubble Trouble

Seth:

“Sugar, are you sure about this?”

“Yes, I know what I’m doing…”

You applied more bubbles to Seth’s face and hair, and put as many bubbles as you could, trying to make his hair stand up.

“Now, what are you doing that’s making you giggle so much, Sugar?”

You handed him a small mirror.

He took one glance and immediately gave it back to you.

“If you show this to Al, I swear….”

You snapped a picture on your phone and sent it to Al.

“Too late.”

“Ugh…” he groaned.

“Hey! Don’t act like you don’t like it! I heard a few giggles and saw a few smiles here and there. You weren’t slick.”

“Haha, I guess not. But, since you did THAT to me, I’ll have to do something to you, too.”

He scooped up bubbles and applied them to your face, making a beard.

“There. You know, you could get a gig as a mall Santa. I wonder how well they pay…”

You looked at yourself in the mirror and lip-bited at Seth.

“Don’t ever do that again.” He shook his head, like a disappointed father.

“Oh, please, you know you like it.”

“Of course. I love it.” He ran his fingers through your wet, soapy hair. “I love you.”

Seth pulled you closer into his chest. You accepted the gesture and buried your face into the crook of his neck.

You mumbled, “I love you, too…”

Titanic

Finn:

“Orchid! I’ve got the bath set up. You want to come in?”

“…”

“Orchid?”

“Yes, I’m already in.”

He turned around to face you. “Oh! Wow, you are fast.”

“No, I think you’re just a *little* slow.”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that. I put some rose petals in and lit some candles, for optimal relaxation, of course.”

“I see that! Very nice. I think you outdid yourself, Finneas. Are you going to come in?”

“Yes, yes. I’m coming.”

He sat down in the bath with you. “Come here, I want you to sit on my lap, please.”

You did as he said, gently resting your head against his chest.

Both of you let out a sign of satisfaction.

“Seems like we both needed this, huh, Finn?”

“Indeed we did. I’m just glad we get to spend some time together at all. We’ve both been pretty busy.”

“True, yeah…”

You held one of the rose petals in your hand.

“This kind of looks like a boat, doesn’t it, Finn?”

“A boat, maybe? But what would it hold? It’s so tiny.”

“Um…” you placed another rose petal on the other rose petal. “Another boat?”

“But, why would they hold a boat in another one?”

“I don’t know. You were the one who put the rose petals in the bath.”

“That’s true, yeah. But I had no intention of making the petals into boats. That’s all you, Orchid.”

“Hmm… ooh!” A bright idea flashed through your mind. “We could recreate the titanic using these!”

“The titanic? Go on…”

You cleared your throat, getting ready to put on your best performance.

“Jack, I’ll never let you go!”

“…”

“Jack…?! Jack?!”

You plunged one of the rose petals into the water.

You made fake drowning noises. “Ahh! Rose, I’m dying…er… drowning, or whatever…!”

“Um, I don’t think that’s how it goes.”

“Right, but that’s how it should go.”

Finn smiled and chuckled softly.

“You’re always full of surprises, aren’t you?”

He placed one of his hands on your head and gave you gentle, soft headpats.

“That’s what I love about you, though. You’re so amazing and funny… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

#yuurivoice #x listener #x reader #yuurivoice alphonse #yuurivoice seth #yuurivoice finn

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halloweensuittruffles · 3 years ago

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I'm surprised no one has asked yet, so Imma do it; MarvusxMe ( ;D ) and hair brushing! Take that and run with it uvu

EHEHEHEHE HIIIIII SHADOWWWW💚💚💚💚 YES YES YES MY SIMPING HEART WILL WRITE

💜🎪Marvus x Reader 🎪💜[Hair stylin!!~]

You were moving your hair about after you just got out of the shower. As a normal thing after you get out of the shower your hair is drenched and drippy. You were all dressed and ready to go into the world, the only thing was your hair.

As you grabbed your [insert you favorite color] hairbrush an idea popped into your head. Keeping the brush in your hand, you walked out of your hive block to the hallway. Marvus had a rather big hive but he was a big guy so it shouldn’t be too hard to find him.

You found him inside his own hiveblock tapping on his palmhusk. The clown’s hair was up in a long ponytail being held up by a purple scrunchie, and he was in one of his tank top that surprisingly wasn’t completely clawed at the end. But you knew the claw marks were intentional. Marvus looked up to see you in his door frame, he grinned at you. Marvus’ smile was extremely contagious, so you found yourself returning the smile on your lips

“hows mah favorite matespirt doin eh?” He asked to which you responded

“Can’t complain! Just got outta the shower-“

“i can see, yer gettin water on the rug baby” the clown snorted “did ya lose yer towel or smth?”

“Ah no! Nononono its just my hair um,” you held your brush in front of you with two hands

“I was wondering if, you could do my hair for me?? Like brush it! Or style it or- like anything you want!”

The clown’s smile at you only grew sweeter, it was gonna give you cavities at this point. Marvus simply pat the spot in front of him on his bed gesturing for you to come sit.

Excitedly you jumped up onto the blankets (you HAD to jump- it was like the height of a dinosaur or something-)

You sat crisscross in front of Marvus as you handed him your brush. The Tv was on above the both of you so it gave you something to look at. Marvus had gently token a lock of your hair under his claws and had started moving your hairbrush through your hair. Mostly he used his claws though which as basically like a hairbrush on his hands.

As he was brushing halfway through Marvus leaned his head over to your head was under his chin. You didn’t realize he was there till you heard a small chuckle from above you. Color quickly rushed to your cheeks as you looked up. Your noses were barely touching.

“wh- Whatcha doinggg?” You asked

“jus admirin”

You huffed lightly pushing your nose against his earning another chuckle from the clown.

Later on he had finished your hair and braided for you! He put a bunch of different fake flowers in it too. You looked adorable!!

#fic request #fanfic #hiveswap #hiveswap friendsim #x reader #marvus xoloto #marvus x reader #hawt clown hawt clown

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woodsfae · 2 years ago

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Babylon 5 s01e22: Chrysalis

Table of Contents

I can't believe we're to the season finale already - and also am so impressed with this twenty-three episode season! It's been incredibly tightly written so far.

Londo and G’Kar fighting is comfortingly amusing now.

G’Kar’s shimmery green armor is gorgeous.

Yelling the dying, stabbed man’s name is absolutely the way to keep him alive and giving you info for a few extra seconds, Garibaldi. RIP Petrov.

I am such a fan of these transparent surgical masks. I would like for them to use it for scrubs, too.

A surprise…? He looks so happy I half expected him to say he’s pregnant. But it’s clearly going to be a proposal.

“Look. Do you want to get married, or don’t you?”

AHAHAHA. I had to hold my stitches. That’s fucking perfect, Sinclair, you dork.

Poor Londo. Probably pissed off all the gods by waving his tentacles around. That certainly offended me.

EW NO IT’S FAE EVIL GUY. Morden. Ugh, no.

Delenn did not look particularly happy to get a yes response from Kosh. Granted, it would be rather unnerving to get anything other than an unfathomable soliloquy out of Kosh.

Being an ambassador is pretty high position. A lot of stress. Do you really want more responsibility, ie stress, to interfere with all the boozing and womanizing, Ambassador? Don’t make deals with Morden. Bad news is written ALLLLLL OVER THIS GUY.

Kosh’s shoulder pad wings are so extra.

Delenn, did you promise to grow hair?! In exchange for looking at Kosh?!

If the situation is too big for the head of station security, maybe don’t murder station denizens? That’s guaranteed to get some officials involved.

Vir and I are on the same page. Although he’s totally out of the loop. Londo is smart. He’s got to be able to see how shady this is.

G’Kar’s robe is so slutty. Love the space slut a la Picard look.

IVANOVA. Oh she looks so cute. I wish Talia was here to see her stylin’ curly hair and that dress is just gorgeous.

Hmmm Devereaux could be special forces, or he could have stolen a special forces weapon.

SHIT Morden et al are bad, bad news. Do cloaking devices exist in B5? It seems massively overpowered for the tech we’ve seen so far. Even Vorlon tech. On par with DraalPlanet, for destructiveness.

Something is definitely going to happen to those boxes. And immediately! Inside man!

Delenn!!! And the mystery 24 hours!!! There is a lot going on. Poor Sinclair has had to do some masterful time management this season so far but this might take it to a whole new level. I will be delighted if his pedantry saves the day again.

RIP every single Narn at the outpost. Ten thousand! Very OP. Who the hell and what the hell kind of firepower? I’m surprised that G’Kar’s list of who could have done it include both the Minbari and humans. Perhaps they’re more of a real power than I’d realized.

You can do it, Garibaldi. Pass out on the party floor! What is the party for? I missed that, if it was mentioned.

Oh sheeeeeeeeet, they did not manage to prevent the presidential assassination. Chaos must be incoming. Inside Job Man is still around and fucking shit up and smearing his smirk around.

They are very into lipliner on B5.

Having A Bad Day Narn/Human solidarity:

I’m honestly surprised and impressed that Londo cares that 10,000 Narns were killed. There’s more decency in him for Narnuan lives than I’d thought.

Inside Guy doin Inside Murders.

What doin, Kosh?

There is SO much going on here.

A real, actual, physical, chrysalis?!

There is so much going on that I absolutely cannot predict at all. It’s a trip.

“He is an annoying man, but I would miss him if he…”

Londo Mollari, that was very nearly a genuine sentiment of affection!

I hate Inside Guy nearly as much as Morden at the moment.

Speak of the devil. Floating, invisible, squeaky aliens plus Morden. Only good things can come of this, I’m sure.

AND IT’S A CLIFFHANGER?! *screams and throws things*

y’all I had an extremely busy day for being this recently post-op and am actually having trouble tracking visually. Am going to have to watch the next one tomorrow.

But it will be tomorrow: pinky promise.

#babylon 5 #morden the evil fae dickbag #jeffrey sinclair #susan ivanova #michael garibaldi #delenn #lennier #g’kar #londo mollari #woodsfae b5

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nova-siims · 3 years ago

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Who’s your top 5 2D characters you simp over?

yessir let's get into it <3

coming in at #1 while the rest are in no particular order...

NANAMI KENTO 🥵

of course he's number one. daddy nanami is always number one. this man has me by the THROAT, always.

he doesn't put in overtime for anything except moi.🤠

ISAAC LAFOREZE 😮‍💨

i simply... cannot put into words... how much i simp... for this sexy, evil (turned good?), bald man. he deserves nothing but my love and care. isaac the forgemaster... mm, mm, mm, too fine for his own good. plus, i’d do anything to see him always smile. it makes him look so pure and at peace 🥺

ALUCARD TEPES 🧛🏻

my batty baby. this is one sad man. entire life: traumatic. it's one thing after another with this guy. i just wanna take care of him, show him love and affection. i'd let him turn me if he asked, so we could be together forever. when dropped from the top of his castle to play with the kids and said "boo." that solidified it for me.

MICHIKO MALANDRO 🥶

yes yes, the girl we see in all the profile pics, the slowed and reverbs, and everywhere else. i love this little law-breaking, will send you on an express train to hell, and stylin' woman. like, i would do anything for her???

CARMILLA OF STYRIA 🧛🏻‍♀️

run... me... over... please? no seriously, she could pummel me like she did hector, and i would pathetically say "t-thank you... more?" cause when she goes into feral mode, i don't know how to behave.

thank you for the ask bb ❤️ i love talking about my faves 🤩

#nonsims #anime #simpin hard #i wanna cw isaac like o.o

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snake-rot · 4 years ago

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(EXCLAIMING)

(ORCHESTRA MUSIC BLARING)

(GROANS)

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTING)

(MYSTICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(COUGHS)

Sweet home Alabama

Where the skies are so blue

WOMAN: Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?

Sweet home Alabama

(GRUNTING)

Lord, I'm coming home to you

(GRUNTS) Justin!

Quick, honey, take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hand.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Yeah

Justin, you get back here right now!

No, stop!

GUARD 1: No, no, no! Stop him! GUARD 2: Go back! Don't climb!

(JUSTIN IMITATING AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)

Wait, wait.

Hold on. Easy, little boy.

Okay, stop, child! Stop right there. No!

(GASPS)

No, no, no, no, no! Oh! There he goes.

(GASPS)

Justin!

I've got him! I've got him!

(JUSTIN GRUNTS)

(AIR ESCAPING)

Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered

that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen

and replaced by a giant inflatable replica.

There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens

try to protect their beloved landmarks.

Law enforcement still has no leads,

leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world's villains

is responsible for this heinous crime?

And where will he strike next?

Gru: Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray! [laughs evilly] Fred: Morning, Gru! How you doing? Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard, and I don't appreciate it. Fred: Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they wanna go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] I'm joking! Although, it is true. Anyway, have a good one. Fred: Okay. Yeah. Steamrolling whatever Gru: [groans] You've got to be pulling on my leg! Margo: Hello! Cookies for sale. Gru: Go away. I'm not home. Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you. Gru: [gasps] No, you didn't. This... [monotone] is a recording. Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't. Gru: Yes, it is. [o.s.] Watch this. Leave a message, beep. [Edith kicks the door] Gru: Ow! Agnes: Goodbye, recorded message. Margo: [o.s.] Agnes, come on. Gru: Huh? [screams] Kyle! Bad dog! No! No, no. Sit. My muffin. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario. Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I, too, have encountered great disappointment, but, in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats. Gru: What? What happened? Dr. Nefario: It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid. They're saying he makes all other villains look... lame. pause Gru: Assemble the minions! [throws Kyle off of his arm] Minions, assemble! Minion: Okay. Okay. Hey! Gru: Looking good, Kevin! How is the family? Good? All right. That's my Billy boy! What up, Larry? Hello, everybody! Yeah, all right! Simmer down. Simmer down! Thank you, okay. Now, I realize that you guys probably heard about this other villain who stole the pyramids. Apparently, it's a big deal. People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that. But am I upset? No, I am not! A little, but we have had a pretty good year ourselves, and you guys are all right in my book. Minion: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Gru: No, no raises! You're not going to get any raises. What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice! That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh? But that's not all. We stole the Statue of Liberty, the small one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas. Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this yet, but I have been working on something very big! Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water! And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario... Dr. Nefario: Thank you! Gru: There he is. He's stylin'. Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the 'true crime of the century. We are going to steal... The Minions all pull out their weapons in response. Gru: Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet. One of the Minions, Dave, shoots his rocket launcher at a crowd of Minions. Gru: Hey. Dave, listen up, please! Dave: Ditto. One of the Minions Dave shot walks over to him and punches him on the shoulder. Gru: Next, we are going to steal, pause for effect, the moon! The Minions cheer in response. Gru: And once the moon is mine, the world will give me whatever I want to get it back! And I will be the greatest villain of all time! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. [picks up his phone] Yes? Dr. Nefario: Hello, Gru? I've been crunching some numbers, and I really don't see how we can afford this. It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker. Gru:Hey, chillax. I'll just get another loan from the bank. They love me! Margo: Edith, stop it! Edith: What? I'm just walking. Girls: Hi, Miss Hattie. We're back. Miss Hattie: Hello, girls! Agnes: Anybody come to adopt us while we were out? Miss Hattie: Hmm... Let me think. No! Edith immediately puts a mud pie on Miss Hattie's desk, much to her displeasure. Miss Hattie: Edith! What did you put on my desk? Edith: A mud pie. Miss Hattie: [sighs] You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you? Edith: Yeah, I know. Miss Hattie: Good. So, how did it go, girls? Did we meet our quotas? Margo: Hmm... Sorta. We sold 43 mini-mints, 30 choco-swirlies and 18 coco-nutties. Miss Hattie: [gets up] Okay.

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day. [furious] Look at my face! Do you still think it's a great sale day? Edith rolls her eyes in response. Miss Hattie: [hangs up a portrait] Eighteen coco-nutties. I think we can do a little better than that, don't you? Yeah. We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No. Girls: No, Miss Hattie. Miss Hattie: Okay, good. Off you go. Go clean something of mine. Girls: Hi, Penny. Penny: Hi, guys. Gru: Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but... Gru's Mom: I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. [Gru sighs in disgust] That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who's actually successful? [laughs] Gru: Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something that's very, very big, very important. When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud. Gru's Mom: Ha! [sarcastically] Good luck with that. Okay, I'm outta here. [hangs up the phone before sending her karate instructor flying] Gru: Gru to see Mr Perkins Receptionist: Yes, please have a seat. Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Young Gru: Ma, someday I'm going to go to the moon. Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you're too late, Son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys any more. Vector: Hey. I'm applying for a new villain loan. Go by the name of Vector. It's a mathematical term, a quantity represented by an arrow, with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, 'cause I'm committing crimes with both direction and magnitude. Oh, yeah! Check out my new weapon. Piranha gun! Oh, yes! Fires live piranhas. Ever seen one before? No, you haven't. I invented it. Do you want a demonstration? Shoot! So difficult, sometimes, to get the piranha back inside of my... Receptionist: Mr Gru, Mr Perkins will see you now. Gru: So, all I need is money from the bank to build a rocket. And then, the moon is ours. Perkins: Wow! Well, very nice presentation. I'd like to see this shrink ray. Gru: Absolutely! Will do. Soon as I have it. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money? Gru: Apparently. Perkins: Do you have any idea of the capital that this bank has invested in you, Gru? With far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit. How can I put it? Let's say this apple is you. If we don't start getting our money back... Get the picture? Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there, younger than you, hungrier than you, younger than you. Like that young fellow out there named Vector. He just stole a pyramid! Gru: I've got it. I've got it. So, as far as getting money for the rocket... Perkins: Get the shrink ray, then we'll talk. Minion: Suckers! Suckers! Gru: We got it! What? Hey! Hey! What! Hey! No, no, no! You! Vectors: Now, maybe you'll think twice before you freeze someone's head! So long, Gru! Gru: Quick! We can't let him get away! Up ahead! Up ahead! Fire! Fire, now! Vector: You missed me! Gru: Come to papa! Take that. Vector: How adorable. Gru: Got you in our sights! Like taking candy from a... What? Vector: Hey, Gru! Try this on for size! Gru: That's weird. What is going... This is claustrophobic! No, no, no! Too small! This is too small for me! [groans] I hate that guy. Margo: ...and please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep. Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains. Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith. Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice and have a pet unicorn. Amen. Margo/Edith: Amen. Agnes: Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them Uni, uni, unicorns I love them Uni, unicorns, I could pet one If they were really real And they are So, I bought one so I could pet it Now it loves me Now I love it Gru: Don't you... What the... Good luck, little girls! Edith: Whoa! Cool. Margo: Hi! We're orphans from Miss Hattie's Home for Girls. Vector: I don't care. Beat it! Margo: Come on! We're selling

cookies so, you know, we can have a better future. Vector: Wait, wait! Do you have coco-nutties? Margo: Yeah. Gru: Light bulb. Dr Nefario! I'm going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies! Dr. Nefario: What? Gru: Cookie robots! Dr. Nefario: Who is this? - Gru: Oh, forget it. Mrs. Hattie: Well, it appears you have cleared our background check, Dr Gru. And I see you have made a list of some of your personal achievements. Thank you for that. I love reading. And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor and a knighthood. - Minions: Me, me, me. Me, me, me. Minion: Kevin? Mrs. Hattie: You had your own cooking show and you can hold your breath for 30 seconds? It's not that impressive. Minion: Idiot! - Minions: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Mrs Hattie: What in the name of... What? Gru: Well, here's the dealio. Things have been so lonely since my wife, Debbie, passed on. It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children. I'm sorry. You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish? Mrs. Hattie: Do I look like I speak Spanish? Gru: You have a face como un burro. Mrs. Hattie: Well, thank you! Gru: Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption? So, so excited! Mrs. Hattie: Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby. Margo: I bet the mom is beautiful! Edith: I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle. Agnes: I bet their house is made of Gummi Bears. [Edith and Margo look at her curiously] I'm just saying it'd be nice. [picks up a Cheeto] Aww. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly. Edith: That's a Cheeto. Agnes: Oh... [eats said Cheeto, making Edith and Margo recoil in disgust] Miss Hattie: Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman. [pause] Gru: Who's Debbie? Mrs Hattie: Your wife. Hi, girls! Girls, I want you to meet Mr Gru. He's going to adopt you. And he's a dentist! Agnes: Yeah! Margo: Hi. I'm Margo. This is Edith. And that's Agnes. Agnes: [sing-song] I got your leg, I got your leg! Gru: Okay, that is enough, little girl. Let go of my leg. Come on. You can do it. Agnes: Higher! Higher! Gru: Just release your grip. Wow! How do you remove them? Is there a command? Some nonstick spray? Crowbar? [sighs] Okay, girls, let's go. [They drove off in the distance.]Vector: Uh-huh! Oh, yeah! Pretty impressive! What are you looking at? Boo-ya! You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash! Take that! You done been shrunk! (His phone rings) Yello? I got the shrink ray, all right. No, I'm not playing with it. Gru? Don't make me laugh! No. P.S., he is not getting the moon, and P.P.S., by the time I'm done with him, he's gonna be begging for mercy. (Shrinks a toilet) Okay, bye. (Hangs up) Look at you, a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby to... [The toilet pops out and water sprays him.]Vector: Curse you, tiny toilet! [Gru and the Girls arrive at Gru's Home.] Gru: "Okay, here we are. Home sweet home. Margo: So... This is, like, your house? [realizing] Wait a sec... You're the guy who pretended he was a recorded message! Gru: No, that was someone else. [Margo gives a skeptical look before she, Edith and Agnes enter Gru's house, with Gru following suite.] Agnes: [scared] Can I hold your hand? Gru: Uh... No. Edith: [looks around] When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this'd be more like "Annie". Gru: No, hey! [screams] Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my... Dog. Kyle snarls in anger. Agnes: Ooh! Fluffy doggy! [approaches Kyle before he runs away, much to her disappointment] Margo: What kind of dog is that? Gru: He is a... I don't know. Margo: Do you really think that this is an appropriate place for little kids? 'Cause, uh... It's not. [Edith sees a closet that is sharp and goes in it.] Gru: No! No! Stay away from there! It's frag... [He sees juice spilling on the floor.]Both: (Gasps) Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two. Edith: [muffled] Hey! It's dark in here. [Gru opens the iron maiden, revealing Edith, who spits out a straw]Edith: It poked a hole in my juice box. [They went to the

kitchen.] Gru: As you can see, I have provided everything a child might need. All right. Okay. As I was saying... (Edith knocked a bottle down) Gru: (Cont'd) Hey! Oh. Edith: Somebody broke that. Gru: "Okay, okay. Clearly, we need to set some rules. Rule number one. You will not touch anything. Margo: Uh-huh. What about the floor? Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor. Margo: What about the air? Gru: Yes, you may touch the air! Edith: (Gets out a laser gun) What about this? Gru: (Screams) Where did you get that? Edith: [shrugs] Found it. Gru: Okay. Rule number two. You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three. You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle or sneeze or burp or fart! So, no, no, no annoying sounds. All right? Agnes: Does this count as annoying? [popping] Gru: Very! [sighs] I will see you in six hours. Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right? Agnes? Gru: Question. What are these? Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots! Boogie! Look at this. Watch me! Gru: Cookie robots. I said cookie robots. Why are you so old? Dr. Nefario: Okay. I'm on it. Margo: Hello? Agnes: TV! Margo: What is that? Edith: Whoa! That is cool! Come on! Agnes: I don't think he's a dentist.Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this for a while. It's a anti-gravity serum. I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure. Gru: Do the effects wear off? Dr. Nefario: So far, no. No, they don't. And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. Gru: No, no. I said "dart gun," not... Okay. Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this? But, anyway. What I really wanted to show you was this. Gru: Now those are cookie robots! Agnes: La, la, la, la I love unicorns Gru: What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen! Margo: We got bored. What is this place? Edith: Can I drink this? Dr. Nefario: Do you want to explode? [Edith kicks him in the shin] Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Get back in the kitchen! Agnes: Will you play with us? Gru: No. Agnes: Why? Gru: Because I'm busy. Margo: [scoffs] Doing what? Gru: Umm... Okay, okay, you got me. The dentist thing is more of a hobby. In real life, I am a spy. And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody, because if you do... Edith: What does this do? [She fires a laser and it hits Agnes's unicorn and it burns to ashes]Gru: Hey! Edith: Whoops. Agnes: My unicorn! You have to fix it. Gru: Fix it? Look, it has been disintegrated. By definition, it cannot be fixed. [Agnes gasps in shock, then starts holding her breath] Gru: That's freaking me out. What is she doing? Margo: She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one. Gru: [sighs] It is just a toy. Now stop it! (Agnes faints) Gru: Okay, okay! I'll fix it! Tim! Mark! Phil! This is very important. You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy. Gru: Hey, hey, hey! A toy! Go, and hurry! What are those? Gru: They are my... Cousins. Jerry! Stuart! Watch them and keep them away from me please. [The three minions put on a disguise and head to the store.]Minions: Wow!- Wow! [Meanwhile the two minions and the girls are tossing toilet paper at each other. Gru comes up and he sees the Girls and the two minions having fun.]Edith: It was your cousin's idea. Jerry: What? Gru: Okay, bedtime. Girls: Aww... Minions: Aww... Gru: Not you two! Minions: Yay. Gru: Okey-dokey. Beddie-bye. All tucked in. Sweet dreams. Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad. Gru: I think I can live with that. Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs? Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn. Edith: "Cool." Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?" Gru: No. Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. Gru: Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. And there's probably something in your closet. Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes. Agnes: It's beautiful. Gru: Girls, let's go.

Time to deliver the cookies! Margo: Okay. But first, we're going to dance class. Gru: Actually, we're going to have to skip the dance class today. Margo: Actually, we can't skip the dance class today. We have a big recital coming up. We're doing an excerpt from Swan Lake. Agnes: Yeah, Swan Lake! Gru: That's fantastic. Wonderful. But we're going to deliver cookies! Come on! Margo: No. Gru: No? Margo: We're not going to deliver cookies until we do dance class. Really? Gru: Well, I am not driving you to dance class. So if you want to go, you are going to have to walk yourselves. What are you doing? Margo: Walking to dance class. Gru: Ya? Okay, fine. You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you! Margo: Okay. Gru: You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru! Seriously, I'm going to count to three! And you had better be in this car! Here we go! One! Two! Teacher: ...three, four and five. And lift, and stretch. And one, and two... Agnes: Here you go. Gru: What is it? Agnes: Your ticket to the dance recital. You are coming, right? Gru: Of course, of course. I have pins and needles that I'm sitting on. Agnes: Pinkie promise? Gru: Oh, yes. My pinkie promises. All right. Our first customer is a man named Vector. Margo: But he's a V. You know, we're supposed to start with the A's. Then we go to the B's. Then we... Gru: Yes, yes! I went to kindergarten. I know how the alphabet works! I was just thinking that it might be nice to deliver Mr Vector's first. That is all. Almost over. It's almost over. Vector: Girls, welcome back to the fortress of Vector-tude! Do you have my cookies for me? Margo: Four boxes of mini-mints, two toffee totes, two caramel clumpies and fifteen boxes of coco-nutties. Vector: Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies. Not likely. Name one person who ordered more cookies than me. Margo: That'll be $52. Vector: Right. Seven, eight, nine... Tic Tacs! Where was I? Seven, eight, nine... Agnes: Why are you wearing pyjamas? Vector: These aren't pyjamas! This is a warm-up suit. Edith: What are you warming up for? Vector: Stuff. Agnes: What sort of stuff? Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand. Agnes: Like sleeping? Vector: They are not pyjamas! Here you go, 52 big ones. Bye! Gru: Come on! Vector: What the...? Quiet down, fish. Down, boy!Gru: [laughs] We did it! Come on, girls, let's go! Margo: But what about the other people who ordered cookies? Gru: Life is full of disappointments... For some people. [chuckles ominously] Agnes: (Screams) Gru: Don't do that! Agnes: Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go? Please? Gru: No. Edith: But we've never been. And it's the funnest place on earth! Gru: "Don't care." Girls: Please? Please? We'll never ask for anything else, ever again! Pretty please? Please? Come on! Come on! Gru: "Light bulb." Edith: Come on! Gru: "Goodbye, have fun. [He began to leave. But a attendant of the roller coaster stopped him.]Carnival Ride Worker: Sorry, dude. They can't ride without an adult. Gru: What? [groans] [Soon Gru gets sick from the roller coaster ride.]Agnes: Oh, my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die! Margo: You've gotta let us play for it! Gru: No, no, no. Agnes: Come on! Gru: How much for the fluffy unicorn?Carnival Barker: Well, it is not for sale. But all you gotta do to win it is knock down that little spaceship there. It's easy! Agnes: Yay! Again! Margo: Wait! Edith: Come on. One more time! Agnes: Just one more. I accidentally closed my eyes. I hit it! I hit it! Edith: That was cool. Awww. Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.Carnival Barker: Hey, buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? You see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! Somebody's got a frowny face. Boo! Better luck next time! Gru: Okay, my turn. [Gru uses a fire gun and it blows up the whole booth.]Gru: "Knocked over!" Agnes: It's so fluffy! Yeah! Margo: That was

awesome! Edith: You blew up the whole thing! Agnes: Let's go. Let's try another game!Dr. Nefario: Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word? Gru: Okay, girls, go play. I got the shrink ray! Cotton candy! Dr. Nefario: We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions! Gru: Get me Perkins. Sorry to bother you, Mr Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! Mr. Perkins: What? Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.Gru: Now, the rest of the plan is simple. I fly to the moon. I shrink the moon. I grab the moon. I sit on the toi-let. What? (girls start laughing) Sorry. Sorry! Could you excuse me for just one second? I told you not to touch my things. I told you, I told you. I've told you a thousand times. Margo: Hey, can we order pizza? Gru: Pizza? You just had lunch. Edith: Not now, for dinner. Gru: Dinner? Just... Fine, fine, fine, whatever. Just get back in there! Margo: Can we get stuffed crust? Agnes and Jerry: Stuffed crust!Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust! Agnes: [giggles] You're funny! Gru: Just don't come out of that room again! All right. Sorry about that. Where were we? Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet. Gru: No, no, no! No, I'm sorry. It was a little attempt at humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins glares at him] Inside. Eh, now, I was saying... [the door suddenly opens] You don't seem terribly focused, Gru. Believe me, I am completely focused. Right? Edith: Hello! Mr. Perkins: What? Edith: That guy is huge! Agnes: Are we on TV? Mr. Perkins: What are those? Children?Gru: What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here! No, no, no! *Agnes: Freeze ray!Mr. Perkins: Mr Gru? Gru: Okay. As I was saying... Mr. Perkins: No need to continue. I've seen quite enough. Gru: But my plan... Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing. You. Young Gru: Look, Mom, I drew a picture of me landing on the moon! Look, Mom, I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni! Look, Mom, I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype! Gru: I don't understand. Mr. Perkins: Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a... Well, a younger villain. Gru: But I... Mr. Perkins: It's over. Goodbye, Gru. Gru: Now, I know there have been some rumours going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumours to rest. They are true. In terms of money, we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear. We won't. We are doomed. Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know. I have fired up my resume as I suggest that all of you do, as well. What is it? Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk? Yes! Yes, we will build our own rocket using this and whatever else we can find! Grab everything! Hit the junkyards! Take apart the cars! Who needs the bank? Let's go. Let's go! Mom! What are you doing here? Gru's Mom: And here he is in the bathtub. Look at his little buns. Gru: Mom. Not cool. Gru's Mom: And here, he's all dressed up in his Sunday best. Margo: He looks like a girl! Gru's Mom: Yes, he does. An ugly girl! Agnes: You're funny! Edith: Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy! Receptionist: Mr. Perkins, your son is here. Mr. Perkins: Send him in. Vector: Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me? Mr. Perkins: Yes, I did, Victor. - Vector: I am not Victor anymore. Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector! Mr. Perkins: Sit down. Do you know where the shrink ray is? Vector: Duh! Back at my place. Mr. Perkins: Oh, is that right? Back at your place? That's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly like it! Vector: What the...?! Those girls sold me cookies! Mr. Perkins: Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I give you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blow it! Vector: No, I didn't. Mr. Perkins: Oh, really?Vector: You just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon. Squid-launcher! Oh, yeah! Man:

There's a squid on my face!Vector: Don't worry. The moon is as good as ours. Gru: Come on now, it's bedtime. Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell. Let me smell. You did not! Put on your PGs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it! Edith: But we're not tired! Gru: Well, I am tired. Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? [pause] Gru: No. Agnes: Pretty please? Gru: The physical appearance of the "please" makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep. Edith: But we can't. We're all hyper! Margo: And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you. All night long. Gru: [sighs] Fine. All right, all right. Sleepy Kittens. Sleepy Kittens? What are these? Agnes: Puppets. You use them when you tell the story. Gru: Okay, let's get this over with. "Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day. "Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed."' Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this? Agnes: Keep reading! Edith: Come on! Gru: All right, all right, all right. "Three little kittens started to bawl, "'Mommy, we're not tired at all.' "Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "'Fine, but at least you should brush your fur."' Edith: Now you brush the fur. Gru: This is literature? A 2-year-old could have written this. All right. "Three little kittens with fur all brushed "said, 'We can't sleep, we feel too rushed! ' "Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "'Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."' Agnes: Now make them drink the milk. Gru: I don't like this book. This is going on forever. "Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn. "'We can't sleep, we can't even try.' Then their mother sang a lullaby. "'Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise. "'Though while you sleep, we are apart, "'your mommy loves you with all her heart."' The end. Okay, good night. Agnes: Wait! Gru: What? Agnes: What about good night kisses? Gru: No, no. There will be no kissing or hugging or kissing. Margo: He is not gonna kiss us good night, Agnes. Agnes: I like him. He's nice.Edith: [turns off her light] But scary. Like Santa! Dr. Nefario: Only 48 hours till the launch, and all systems are go. Gru: About that, I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist. Dr. Nefario: Please tell me this is not as a result of the girls' dance recital, is it? Gru: No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right? Dr. Nefario: Gru, you and I have been working on this for years. It's everything we've dreamed of. Your chance to make history, become the man who stole the moon! But these girls are becoming a major distraction! They need to go. If you don't do something about it, then I will. Gru: I understand. Dr. Nefario: Good. Minion: Butt. Butt. Butt. Gru: All right. Now, when we put our cups together, we will make the "clink" sound with our mouths. Ready? Edith? Gru: and Edith: Clink. Gru: There we go. And now we drink. And Agnes? Gru and Agnes: Clink. Gru: Very good! Excuse me, girls. Girls: Come on! Gru: Don't worry, I'll be back. Keep clinking. - Clink, clink. - Clink, clink.Gru: Miss Hattie, what are you doing here? Miss Hattie: I'm here for the girls. I received a call that you wanted to return them. [Gru gives her a quizzical look] And also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary. [swats Gru's head with the dictionary] I didn't like what you said. Gru: But... I will get the girls ready. Agnes: Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru! Tell her you wanna keep us. Mrs. Hattie: All right, girls. Come on, let's go. Margo: Goodbye, Mr. Gru. Thanks for everything. Dr. Nefario: I did it for your own good. Come on, let's go get that moon. Gru: Right. What is this for? The recital? I am the greatest criminal mind of the century. I don't go to little girls' dance recitals! Dr. Nefario: Opening launch bay

doors. Commencing launch sequence. And we are good to go in T minus 10 seconds. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six... Vector: Oh, yeah! Gru: Nice work, Doctor. All systems go. Vector: Boo-ya! My flight suit. Oh, yeah! Once again, the mighty... Gru: I've got it! I've got the moon! I've got the moon. I can make it. Dr. Nefario: Wait a minute! Jerry: Kevin! Gru: Come on! Come on! Agnes: He's still not here. Margo: Why would he come? He gave us up. Agnes: But he pinkie promised! Teacher: Girls, girls, places. Edith: No, we can't start yet! We're still expecting someone. Agnes: Can we just wait a few more minutes? Teacher: All right. But just a few more minutes. Margo: He's not coming, guys. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru, can you hear me? Quick, we have to warn him, and fast!Gru: Okay, okay. There's the library. That's Third Street. The dance studio... There! There! There it is! Janitor: Sorry, buddy. Show's over.Gru: Over? Gru: Vector, open up! Vector: First give me the moon. Then we'll talk. Agnes: Mr. Gru! Vector: Zip it, Happy Meal. Gru: Now, the girls. Vector: Actually, I think I'll hold on to them a little while longer. Gru: No! Vector: Oh, yeah! Unpredictable! Gru: Listen close, you little punk. When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain! Vector: [laughs sarcastically] I'm really scared. Agnes: He is gonna kick your butt. Vector: What? He punched my shark! Dr. Nefario: There he is! Hang on, Gru. Oh, no! Gru: Vector has the girls. Go! Dr. Nefario: What happened to the ship? It's big again! Not as big as the moon is going to be! Gru: What? Dr. Nefario: The larger the mass of an object, the quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off! I call it the Nefario Principle. I just came up with it now, actually. Gru: Oh, no! Margo: Did you see that? Girls: Vector! Help! Vector! Over here! Vector: Hey! What are you girls doing back there? Girls: The moon! Watch out! Vector: Ouch! Gru: Get as close in as you can. You got it. Margo: Mr Gru, up here! Agnes and Edith: Mr Gru! Gru: Okay, girls! Girls! You're going to have to jump. Edith: Jump? Are you insane? Gru: Don't worry, I will catch you. Margo: You gave us back! Gru: I know, I know. And it is the worst mistake I ever made. But you have to jump now. Margo: It'll be okay. Gru: Okay, girls. Margo: Jump now! Gru: Margo, I will catch you. And I will never let you go again. Vector: Not so fast! Gru: No! Margo: Let me go! Gru: Margo! I'm coming, Margo. Hang on! I got you.Vector: No! Oh, poop. News Reporter: This time, good triumphs, and the moon has been returned to its rightful place in the sky. But once again, law enforcement is baffled, leaving everyone to wonder, who is this mysterious hero? And what will he do next? Gru: Okay, girls. Time for bed. Edith: Come on! We want a story. Agnes: Three sleepy kittens! Gru: Oh, no! Sorry. That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously. Tonight we are going to read a new book. This one is called One Big Unicorn by... Who wrote this? Me! I wrote it. Look, it's a puppet book! Here, watch this. That's the horn! Agnes: This is gonna be the best book ever! Gru: Not to pat myself on the back, but, yes, it probably will be. Here we go. "One big unicorn, strong and free "thought he was happy as he could be. "Then three little kittens came around "and turned his whole life upside down." Edith: Hey, that one looks like me! Gru: No, what are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. "They made him laugh. "They made him cry. "He never should have said goodbye. "And now he knows he could never part "from those three little kittens "that changed his heart. "The end." Okay, all right. Good night. Margo: I love you. Gru: I love you, too. No, no! All right. Didn't I get you already? They're very good! Gru's Mom: I'm so proud of you, Son. You've turned out to be a great parent! Just like me. Maybe even better. Gru: No, I'm fine. Go ahead. No, no, no! THE END Hey, Carl! Hey. No, no, no. Me, me, me. John? No, no. Me, me, me. Oh,

poop. Oh, no! Stop! Stop! Hello, I am Gru. Back to work, back to work! Back to…

IS THIS THE ENTIRE FUCKING SCRIPT?

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singer-smiles-101 · 2 years ago

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It’s tiiiiiiiiime

(EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS ONE’S ONE OF MY FAVES EVER-)

Drumroll pLEASEEEE

(🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁)

LOOK AT MY STYLIN BOI

(The top is supposed to be a sort of corset lol)

The earring (ye he only wears one) and necktie are related to hcs of mine :)

#avm fanart #avm purple #zari artz #stick fits series #Look at him stylin- AAAAA

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artystaroc · 3 years ago

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Yooo Teru is looking cool with Izuru's hair tho??? I mean, the whole situation is bad, but he's looking so stylish, oh my god. And I do wonder how my boy Hajime got involved with the killing game if he didn't become Izuru. That's so intriguing, I'm dying to know more! Your AUs are a gift that keep on giving :D

Aww thanks! And yes, Teruteru do be stylin'.

For how Hajime got involved, I'm thinking he ended up getting, kind of, adopted by class 77 lol. It started with Chiaki befriending him and pulling him into the group and the others just accepted him and welcomed him. And everyone else noticed, like he was around the class so much that he's just allowed to come and go over to the Main Course as he pleases. (I've just realized that could probably be cause for a lot of problems for him in the Reserve Course but we ain't talking about that right now haha.) When Junko comes around Hajime is just naturally indoctrinated into the Remnants as a result of being around them so yeah. He getting yeeted into the simulation too. Unlucky him :)

#ask #the-ineffable-dreamer #teruteru hanamura #hajime hinata #izuru kamukura #sdr2 spoilers #dr1 spoilers #december 21 2021

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ladyloveandjustice · 3 years ago

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Utena and/or dear brother for the ask game :) (we all know akio is going to superhell lol)

For Dear Brother:

Blorbo: Mariko. 100%

scrunkly: Also Mariko. And Tomoko is very adorable.

scrimblo: I have no idea who's underappreciated or if there is even enough of a n English fandom for that to be a concept, but Tomoko is a top tier "normal" friend and the only one with any mental stability, so good for her.

glup shitto: I feel Dear Brother as a whole counts as this. But that redhead in the cravat in that one scene? was stylin' so hard? All I could think about while I was on screen was how good her look was.

poor little meow meow: literally everyone in this show counts as that, but yeah, definitely Mariko again. Rei counts too.

horse plinko: Everyone is already max tormented, but I would absolutely love to tell Dear Brother to his face all the shit he fucked up in these girls lives by missing a birthday party.

eeby deeby: Like does Fukiko deserve to go? Yes absolutely. But for some reason I don't think I'd have the heart. I would send Dear Brother's Friend Manga version though, in the anime he's not as bad (and did conveniently help Mariko not die) but in the manga. woof.

#ask nev #dear brother

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bilgisticallykosher · 4 years ago

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4: Hot Dog'd to Death.

The boys chase their dreams of joining Joey Chestnut in the MLE hall of fame.

TA Masterpost | Masterpost | AO3

First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

I reveal the Amy of Thomas Annus!!! And stick around for the end notes for an exciting announcement!

Word count: 5094

Warnings: General warnings found on masterpost. Food, messy eating, mentions of nausea/vomiting, overuse of the word wiener, and (bad) math.

THOMAS ANNUS, THOMAS ANNUS

Janus and Remus stood in a familiar looking kitchen; the one where they ate during the second video, not the one where they cooked. Janus was getting a bowl from the cabinet, while Remus held a bunch of plastic packages in his hands. He jiggled them as he stood, tapping his foot as he waited for Janus to finish.

"Stop that," Janus turned towards the sink, bowl in hand. He began filling water into the bowl. "You're going to drop them, and we need as many as possible if we're going to do this right." He turned the water off, leaving the bowl in the sink.

Remus stopped jiggling the packages, setting them onto the counter by the sink. A close up from the camera revealed eight packages of hot dogs. "Now, are you going to cooperate and open them, or is this too much for you to handle?" Remus gasped.

"How dare you imply that I can't handle my wieners?!" Janus nodded.

"Then here." He plopped a pair of children's safety scissors by him, then turned towards the camera. "Today we're going to attempt to match, if not beat," he thrust his finger up into the air, enthusiastically, then lowered it to continue, "the Major League Eating, or MLE, record for hot dogs."

"Because anything can be a sport if you get a judge involved!" Remus grinned.

"Not anything," Janus corrected, "I'm pretty sure your 'Most Dangerous Game' idea was several types of illegal."

"Naaaaaaw," Remus waved the concept away like there was a fly in his face. "I don't think there's anything wrong with shark-water-skiing-while-scorpion-juggling, I just think the world wasn't ready for my genius." Remus got a faraway look on his face. Janus sighed, and pulled out his phone.

In the background, Remus stared for a moment, shook himself like a wet dog, then blinked as he looked down at the counter. He picked up the scissors and a package of hot dogs. He attempted to start opening them, but to no avail. "The number of hot dogs eaten, buns and all, in ten minutes," Janus recited. Remus put the scissors down, choosing instead to bite the corner of a package instead. "The record is 75 hot dogs," Remus stuck his finger through the plastic. "Set by Joey Chestnut, professional eater." Remus looked delighted in the background, and stuck three fingers from his other hand in three more packages. "He set this record in 2020, at Nathan's annual hot dog eating contest."

Remus lifted his hand and slowly crept towards Janus. "The question is; can we break that record?" Remus struck, making a slapping motion across Janus's cheek, hot dogs jiggling in their packages. "What the actual hell do you think you're doing now?" Janus turned immediately towards him, accusing.

"Thought your sharp cheekbones might help open the packages," Remus replied easily, unabashed.

"Just open them into the bowl," Janus hissed out. Remus went back to do so, swinging his hips as he went. He split open the package from the hole he made, pouring them into the bowl.

"Hey, look!" Remus gestured to one of the empty packages still on his finger. "They're packs of eight, just like the buns," he pointed out. "Not like how it used to be where they'd be seven, but the buns would be eight. Nice touch!"

"Of course," Janus waved his hands dismissively. "I'm not buying into the conspiracy of uneven packages where you keep having to buy one to keep up with the other; an endless cycle of trying to break even." He scoffed. "Plus, less math involved."

"Good call."

The scene ended, then opened up on the two of them staring at the microwave. The bowl was already in it. They were arguing.

"Listen," Remus insisted, "There are eight packages in there, so if it takes five minutes for one, it should take forty minutes to do them all together!"

"Five minutes?" Janus's jaw nearly dropped, "it takes half a minute a hot dog!"

"Okay, fine, so then thirty seconds multiplied by eight dogs is two hundred and forty." He tilted his head to the side, "So, wait, it'd be two minutes, forty seconds, right?"

"Oh, well," Janus scoffed, "why not just put it on for two hundred and forty minutes?"

"Hey, I may be a stupid, dumb idiot, but I'm not stupid!" He sniffed haughtily. "Two hundred and forty seconds, times eight packs, that's one thousand nine hundred and twenty seconds. Divide that by the number of seconds in a minute, equals thirty one minutes and sixty seconds!" Remus concluded smugly. There was a pause as Janus stared at him, glare becoming more intense with each passing second, Remus was unmoving, although he seemed to realize that there was something going on, and he raised both eyebrows. Janus seemed to be winding up, fingers curling in, clawed, body inflating with his inhale.

"WH-"

The video cut again. Janus and Remus were standing there, calmly smiling at the camera until the microwave beeped. Remus turned away to check on it, gave the bowl a small jiggle, and then closed the door.

"It's not ready yet." He turned to Janus. "So, four minutes, right?" Janus turned around, leaning his head on the fridge, massaging his forehead.

"It's going to be a long year, isn't it?" Janus groaned as Remus put the microwave on again. "A long, long year."

"Well, the 'dogs are cooking." Remus gestured to the microwave, which was running. "Yeah. That's right. 'Dog. Apostrophe-dog. It's short for hot dog." He winked. Janus turned back around to compose himself.

"We should, perhaps, consider some manner of stain-guard," Janus mused. "Some of us are, ah," he glanced at Remus, who had put a leftover package in his mouth, sucking on it. "Mess-prone."

"Ooh!" Remus held out his hand in front of him, opened his mouth and let the package fall out onto it. "I've got a bunch of spare clothing that would be perfect for this!" He shifted back and forth on his feet.

"Alright," he sighed, rolling his eyes, "let's see what trash rags you've got in store for us." Remus yelped in glee, running off.

The microwave went off a few seconds later, and Janus opened the door with a click, letting the steam out. He waved a hand through the air, giving a little cough. "There. Perfectly cooked, just as we had it planned from the beginning." Janus took a hot dog from the bowl, holding it lightly by one end, then looked directly at the camera. "Joan. You want a hot dog?" The camera viewpoint moved back and forth, like it was shaking its head. Janus grabbed a package of buns, dangling it so that it got in-frame. "Are you sure? We can afford one without messing up our record." The camera moved up and down, nodding.

"Well," Janus shrugged, "if you insist." He tossed the tube of meat back into the bowl with a quiet plop! Remus gave a long scream from off-screen, indicating his imminent return. He came in running, arms hanging at his side, something bunched up in his hands.

"I've got our eating ponchos!" He proudly lifted his arms up, opening his hands, revealing what he was carrying.

"These are garbage bags."

"Color-coded garbage bags," Remus corrected. "See? I've got one in black, for me," he held up what looked like a large black drum liner in one hand, "and one in white for you!" He held up his other hand, displaying a white kitchen trash bag. "We're stylin'!" He gripped both bags tightly as he bounced in excitement.

"Alright," Janus sighed, "I guess."

"Also, yours only came in a large," he unfurled both bags, revealing Remus's to be much larger.

"It's okay, you'll grow into it."

"I'm a growing boy!" Janus snorted.

"You're a messy boy." Remus's face lit up, and he opened his mouth, eyebrows already waggling. "No, I already regret that. Moving on." Remus deflated, pouting.

"That episode was boring," he whined, leaning his head on Janus's shoulder. "I kept throwing my ideas out there and all the real good ones weren't even mentioned."

"Hey," Janus looked down at him, "listen," his voice and expression were soft as they locked eyes. "Don't touch me." Remus leaped up, holding the bags high above his head.

"Let's go fill our mouths with weineeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-"

The video cut, then opened again on Janus sitting down, and Remus standing behind a large table filled with plates of plain hot dogs, and another with hot dogs, loaded and ready to go, already inside the buns. There was also a full Brita filter, with two cups. The sides, themselves, are now wearing the garbage bags, holes around their heads and arms, like very poorly constructed ponchos. "-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers!" Remus finally concluded, plopping down in his seat.

He looked at Janus, grabbing a hot dog, "So, ready to eat?"

The video paused on the scene, Remus in the middle of gesturing with the food, Janus looking harried. Text filled the screen while cheesy elevator music played in the background. Video editor here. I'd just like the record to state that Remus did not shout 'wieners' twice. That text disappeared, more came on. He kept the scream going for the entire 20 minutes it took them to get set up and ready. The last bit of text replaced it. Thank you. That stayed on the screen, and then at the bottom right, a quick help me flashed in and out before the scene resumed.

"I suppose," Janus sighed, grabbing the hot dog, placing it out of reach, "But we do need to discuss strategy. If we're going to beat Chestnut at his own game, we need to think like him; but smarter."

"Ha! Chestnut, more like chestesticle." Remus grabbed two more hot dogs triumphantly.

"Oh, yes, well done," Janus overexaggeratedly rolled his eyes. "That's given us all the ammo we need to tackle this challenge." He raised an eyebrow while glaring.

"No, no, but these are the strats!" He pushed the hot dogs at him, buns squashing into his chest. "They always dunk them in water to make them squishy and gross and easier to slide down our gullets without chewing. Like pelicans!"

"Well, if we're going to beat Chestnut, we've got to think like him, I suppose." He grabbed a hot dog from Remus's hand. "What are our thoughts on condiments?"

"Well," Remus readied his hot dog as well, "I don't think they use them in the MLE, but I'd be down for some honey mussie."

"Some what?" Janus raised an eyebrow and smirked, amusement in his expression. "Honey muscle?"

"Well, I was talking about the condiment," he leered Janus's direction, "but now I'm thinking I want to pour honey over your arms and lick it off."

"Oh, stop," he coyly put a hand on his chest, "save some of that ravenousness to put towards our goal."

"Yeah, let's kick Joey Chestnut's ass through his wiener!" He looked down at his hot dog, then pouted. "I still want some mussie, though." He got up from the table, "You want smushed, sweetened tomato squeeze bottle?"

"Yes, alright, bring some ketchup, too." He watched Remus exit. A small stopwatch popped up in the corner of the screen, edited in, while the video fast forwarded. Janus, sped up, laid his hot dog down, then put his head on a hand. The stop watch showed the passage of thirty seconds, Janus started drumming his fingers, then a minute, and then as the video went back into normal speed, the sound of clanking came from the kitchen. Janus blinked, "Wait, what mustard are you bringing?" He waited for an answer. "Remus, what mustard are you bringing? What are you doing in there?!"

"Whaaaat?!" Remus shouted, unnecessarily loudly, "Sorry! Kssssh! Can't hear you! Kssssh! I'm going through a tunnel! Kssssssssssssshhhh!

"Remus!" Janus glared in the direction of the kitchen, then sighed, turning towards the camera. "It's not like I can stop him." He brightened a bit. "And it's only mustard, how bad could it be?" The corner of his mouth twitched. "I regretted that before I said it."

Remus swaggered back in then, ketchup bottle in his left hand, a jar full of what had to be mustard in his right. It was gloppy, yellow, and had flecks of something floating in it. He plunked the mustard onto the table, leaving his hand on it as he sauntered back around the table into his chair. He put the ketchup by his feet. The stopwatch blinked 3:46 before dropping down off the screen.

"I'm not giving you ketchup access until you try the mustard." Remus declared before picking up his hot dog.

"Joy," Janus responded dryly. "I'll try to contain my excitement for its consumption." He picked up his hot dog and mumbled, "Let's hope I don't die of consumption."

"That's always a concern," Remus nodded solemnly.

"You guys ready?" Joan asked from behind the camera. The two gave simultaneous nods, Remus's more excited than Janus's. "Alright, counting down, get ready in three, two, one… go!" Their finger pushed a button off-screen somewhere, a timer appearing on the screen, counting down from 10:00 as the button was pressed.

Remus held out his hot dog, waiting, looking at Janus, pleading. Janus caught his gaze, rolled his eyes, and held his own hot dog out.

"Cheers." Janus held his hot dog out slightly to Remus.

"Cheers!" He bumped his hot dog against Janus's in a toast, smooshing the bun a little. "Clink! A toast, even when the bun isn't!" And then he brought his arm back towards himself, smoothly biting half the hot dog clean off. Janus took a more delicate bite of his own.

"Well, they're cooked," he mused. He chewed while he reached for the yellowish substance in the jar, "might as well get this over with." He swallowed, opening it up. He looked inside, and grimaced. "Oh no," sarcasm leaked from every word. "I've forgotten a knife, how will I ever manage to apply it now?"

"Oh," Remus swallowed, "don't worry about it," he waved the idea off, taking another bite. "Jussh dunnkit!" He shoved what remained of his hot dog into the jar, bits of bun sticking in the concoction. He drew it out with a flourish.

"Hm." He tapped the glass. "Oddly enough, I don't think that changed the consistency at all." He tilted it. "Or how appetizing it looks."

"Thanks!"

"You grossly overestimate how appetizing this looks." Janus dipped his own hot dog in it, "emphasis on gross."

"Thanks," Remus leaned towards Janus, shoving the rest of his hot dog into his mouth, shimmying his shoulders, and grabbing a second hot dog. A large green 1 hovered over his head, keeping score. Janus rolled his eyes, and finally leaned in to take a small bite.

And immediately spit it out.

He grabbed his glass of water, downing half of it in one go. "Uh uh uh," Remus waggled his finger at him, grabbing another hot dog. "Can't get into the MLE with negative dogs," he cackled. The counter above Janus sprang to life, -1 hovered in gold. Bits of hot dog crumbled out of Remus's mouth.

"Shove it," Janus took his own advice, shoving the rest of the hot dog into his mouth. The counter flipped to 1 as he chewed angry and determined. "Wha' di'joo make this ou' of?"

"Oh, it's simple, really. I couldn't find anything but dijon." He took another large bite as Janus reached for his second. He swallowed the bite whole. "So I took that, added honey, because honey mussie. But then, it wasn't the right color, so I added yellow food coloring." He bit another section of hot dog off, swallowing it immediately. "But then! There's spicy brown mustard, right, so I added some red pepper flakes!" He stuffed the rest of the hot dog in, and swallowed, his arms above him, triumphant. "Ta-dah!" Remus's number went up to 2.

Janus had been silently eating his second hot dog. His brow creased at him. He swallowed.

"Shut up and give me the fucking ketchup."

"Hey, uh, does the MLE have a chewing requirement?" Joan asked, amusement in their tone as Remus grabbed his third. "I mean, that was impressive, but I'm pretty sure that people are expecting that sort of display out of Janus, because of the whole snake thing, y'know?"

"Don't be racist." Janus shot at them. They just laughed. Janus went back to eating, holding out his hand for the ketchup.

"Oh, all right, spoil sport." He grabbed it from underneath his chair, and placed it in his hand in one smooth motion. "Hey, can you imagine the kitchen before a hot dog eating contest?" Janus made a face as he finished off his second, a 2 lighting up over his head. Remus dunked his in the mustard mixture again, seemingly happy with his life choices. "What do you think it's like?" Janus grabbed another hot dog, and put ketchup on it.

"Giant microwave," Janus flatly stated, taking a bite. Remus howled with laughter, even as Janus continued to not react. When Remus calmed down enough, he took another bite, and swirled his glass of water.

"Should we do the dunk-y thing?" He asked, already stabbing his hot dog into the water.

"I suppose," Janus took a bite. "Might as well do it like the professionals." He dunked his hot dog into the water as he chewed, watching as Remus chewed through his soaked bun with no resistance. His eyebrows constricted as he readied himself, taking a bite.

"T'a p'ofeshhha's a' disga‐in'!" Soggy hot dog bun oozed out of the corners of his mouth. An edited translation blipped on screen, The professionals are disgusting!

"Oh, definitely." Remus finished off his piece, 3. "Just look at my glass!" He grabbed another hot dog and shoved his water glass into the camera, which zoomed in, showing a swirling mess of yellow congealed mustard bits floating around mushy bun bits. "It's like the second most delicious lava lamp there is." He retracted the glass back to himself.

"What's the first most delicious?" Janus halfheartedly asked.

"Actual lava lamp." Remus brought a bunless hot dog near his mouth. "Third most delicious is a lava lamp made with actual lava." He chomped through the hot dog. Janus was making his way through his own, and pointed his finger at him accusingly.

"Bun on or it doesn't count." He dunked his hot dog again. "Naked dogs are illegal in the MLE." He looked down into his glass. "There's ketchup in the water." He wrinkled his nose.

"Don't get your scales all rumpled." He slapped a bun down onto his plate, pouring half of the water on it. "My wiener might be streaking out in the open, but I'm on the up and up!" He poked at the bun, which leaked water, nodded to himself, then grabbed a straw. He slowly sucked up the wet bun through the straw, which worked surprisingly well.

"Thank goodness, I thought you were going to snort it." Janus put the last bit in his mouth. 3 over his head.

"Hey, it's just gotta be in me, right?" He slurped up the rest of the mush on the plate, gulping it down. 4 for Remus. "Nobody said anything about not being allowed to drink it!" Janus loaded his next hot dog.

"I think I'll stick with my methods." Janus applied a bit of ketchup to the hot dog before dunking it. He took a bite.

"You think this counts?" The camera focused on Remus, now with two hot dogs up his nose. "I could probably fit more."

"I'm pretty sure they need to be in your mouth." Janus finished chewing, executing another dunk bite. "Wonderful effort, though."

"Okay!" Remus opened his mouth and started to methodically place hot dogs, without buns, in his mouth. The first seven fit without problem. Then he stared to have to finagle them to fit. Janus watched idly as he continued with eating his hot dog.

"I'm going to put you and Joey Chestnut in your places." He looked down at the hot dog, dunked, and took a bite. "Urgh." He flicked the remainder of it over his shoulder. "Done." 3 ½ now floated over him. He grabbed another one.

"Aggaura ag ak gahagarra!" Remus shouted through the hot dogs in his mouth. The translation subtitle came up, simply reading ????????

"Oh, like you're doing much better," Janus retorted. "What's your count up to?" Remus held up a finger, indicating to wait, and then abruptly bit clean through his mouthful. The action was blurred in a censor. He spit out the rest of what was in his mouth and hot dog halves flew all over the table.

"I've got twenty four, not including the ones that were up my nose!" Janus tapped his own nose.

"Speaking of, you've got a little something there." He gestured to the hot dog still lodged in his nostril. "Also, you're counting halves as one. That's definitely against MLE rules."

"The MLE can eat my wiener," Remus declared firmly, yanking the hot dog out of his nose and biting it.

"You have to actually eat them." Remus smacked the rest of the nose hot dog against Janus's shoulder. He ripped it out of his hand. "This is a competition, you idiot!"

"Oh really?" Remus sneered as he started to roll some of the hot dog halves into his hair like curlers, occasionally popping one in his mouth. "Because we started out with eight packages of eight dogs," he argued through his chewing. "That's only sixty four, total. If ole Boobball's record is seventy three, we've already failed!" He stuffed a bunch of buns in his mouth to make up for the bunless ones. 5 for Remus.

"No, shut up. I will beat him!" Janus picked up his hot dog. "I hurt. Even picking this up hurts." He looked the camera dead on. "Joan," he started, serious, "If we die from overdosing on hot dogs, you have to finish this yourself. You've got to finish filming, and you have to edit this all by yourself." Joan's laughter trickled out from behind the camera.

"Okay."

"And Thomas Annus." Remus piped in. He grabbed another hot dog bun. He ate it like corn on the cob from one side to the other.

"Right, you've got to carry out Thomas Annus the rest of the year." Janus put his arms on the table letting his head fall into them. "You need to film, edit, and upload all the videos on the channel."

"Alright," they agreed. "All hot dog videos, right?"

"Three hundred sixty plus videos of nothing but hot dogs is ridiculous." Remus argued. "Throw some sausages into the mix, yeah?" He stuck a hot dog in front his mouth, and chomped it bit by bit, imitating Pac-Man. He even made the mouth flapping noises. Remus's number went up to 6 1/2.

"Have that bastard Joey Chestnut help you." Janus grumbled. "This is all his fault anyway."

"Yeah! OKAY, GOOGLE!" Remus screamed, readying another hot dog. "CALL JOEY CHESTNUT!"

'Calling Joy of Chestnuts ' the device responded.

"No," Janus stepped in. "Okay, Google. Call Joey Chestnut."

'Calling Joe Chessrug.'

"Hey, Google." Janus said through gritted teeth, "Call Jo-ey," he breathed in, "Chest," he breathed out, "nut!"

'Calling Jerry from Chesapeake.'

"NO!!!!" Remus was in hysterics. Janus turned on him immediately. "Did you do something?! Is this your fault?!" Remus cut off his laughter, leering at him.

"My fault? So quick to blame me, are you?" He stuffed the last piece in his mouth, and grabbed another hot dog, offended, "as if I can't be trusted, is that what you're saying?"

"Yes," Janus glared.

"Okay." Remus shrugged, any offense disappearing off his face completely. He stared at Janus, as he slowly, slowly started lowering the hand with the hot dog, until his other hand slowly grabbed the waist of his pants. He pulled it away from his body.

"No, no," Janus grabbed his wrist, effectively halting him. "The dogs must be ingested via your mouth," he tutted. "Even if they end up inside you, they have to be consumed the normal eating way."

"Aw, poopy."

"That either." Remus pouted, and held out the hot dog towards Janus, shaking it gently. "Come on. You can do it. A few more bites?"

"No, go away. I hate food." Remus just grinned and shook the hot dog more. "Fine, then you have to suffer, too." He grabbed his own hot dog, and held it up to Remus, who gasped.

"How romantic! Shoving our wieners in each other's faces?" He sighed dreamily. "Come on, then, let's do this right." Janus stared blankly at him, still looking a bit nauseous, but held his arm out a little bit, letting Remus wrap his hot dog holding arm around Janus's elbow. He let his mouth hang open, allowing room for Remus to place the hot dog in, and he took a bite. While he chewed, he looked into Remus's, well, gaping hole, and abruptly shoved the rest of his own hot dog messily in. Remus chewed with gusto, getting bits everywhere.

"You're right. That was very romantic," he finished the last of it with a final bite, and wiped his fingers off on Remus's bag-covered shoulder. Remus finally swallowed his mouthload.

"D'aww," he batted his eyelids, "you know how I like my wieners rough and sloppy!" He picked up another hot dog. "Spaghetti, too!" He lightly sucked at the tip, before slurping the hot dog out of its bun, into his mouth.

Then it came partially back out as he choked a little. He cleared his throat, then sucked it right back in. "Whaddya say? Wanna Lady and the Tramp this thing?" Remus tapped the plate of hot dogs, even as Janus began to look ill. "Emphasis on the tramp," he leered, waggling his eyebrows furiously.

The timer hit zero just then, beeping its announcement of failure. Janus looked up as Remus put a hot dog under his nose like a second moustache.

"Oh, no." Janus unenthusiastically put his hands on his cheeks. Remus mimicked him, tensing his upper lip so that he could keep the hot dog stationary. "And we were so close, too. Ugh," he put a hand on his head, "I've got the hot dog sweats." Remus stroked his meaty moustache.

"What's the final count, Joan-dges?" He stuck out his arms in the camera's direction. There was silence.

"Oh, was that supposed to be me?" Joan asked, amused yet confused.

"Joan plus judges," Remus clarified. "So yeah! C'mon," he beckoned them with both hands. "What're the scores?"

"I have no idea," the camera moved ever so slightly as they shrugged. "I haven't been paying any attention. I think the editors worry about that." As they finished speaking a big yellow 4 1/2 hovered over Janus, and a big green 8 over Remus. Janus hesitated.

"Well, look at those scores!" He gestured at his chest level. Remus looked down at his chest, too. The numbers hurriedly blinked out from over their heads to float where Janus was pointing.

"Woah," Remus overexaggerated his surprise, "look at how many we ate!" He gave a small, yet innuendo-filled grin. "And violated."

"It looks like it's enough to beat the MLE record! Just like that! No problems at all!"

"Woo-hoo! Go us!" Remus stood. "Victory chest bump!" He started pulling Janus up by his arm.

"No, please," he swatted his hands off, "I'm going to throw up all over you if any part of my front touches anything."

"Hmm, a little dirty, but I'd be down for trying anything once." Remus happily offered. He paused, "hey, who are the editors, anyway?"

"I don't know," he stared at the camera. "Who are the editors? Who uploads these things? Who manages this channel?" He continued to stare off facing forward. Remus joined in, staring into the camera for a minute.

"Oh well," the moment broke, "guess it's not important!" Remus shrugged. "What's today's lesson?"

"I don't feel nice."

"No, I mean our channel death lesson." He wiggled his fingers in emphasis. Janus groaned.

"Ugh, fine." He adjusted himself so that he was sitting upright. "Death comes for us all," he intoned gravely, "especially if you eat a shit ton of hot dogs. Then it comes even quicker. But not as quickly as we'll be coming for you, Chestnut." Janus pointed. "Beware. Subscribe while you still can." Remus looked down at the platters.

"Hey, what are we supposed to do with all these extras?" Janus shrugged, and Remus grabbed two. "Hot dog fight!" He reared back his arms, Janus protesting just as he threw them at him. The video ended as the first hot dog hit.

The clock resumed its countdown.

Endcard:

Janus was outside at the swamp. He was carrying a tray filled with what appeared to be all the leftover hot dogs and buns. Silently, with a neutral expression, he threw the contents onto the surface of the swamp.

A few tentacles shot out of the depths, gathering the food in one fell swoop, pulling it down out of sight. Janus calmly reached into the folds of his cape and took out the concoction that was Remus's jar of mustard, and tossed it in the same spot where that, too, was dragged under by a tentacle. Janus waited, and barely a moment later, the tentacle rose back up, and the now-empty jar was lightly placed on the shore.

Janus turned his head back to the camera. "Suck it, Joey Chestnut."

----------

First chapter since UA ended! So many feelings.

Anyway, I had some trouble writing this chapter, and while there were definitely external contributing factors, I think I need some more motivation. So! I've decided to create a discord server, come and join! I didn't figure out how to use role bots for nothing.

#sanders sides #remus sanders #janus sanders #ta chapter #my stories #joan the camera operator

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puckngrind · 4 years ago

Text

Golf outing - V. Dunn

Warning: married to Vince have kids, super soft.

Word Count: 1,255 (short and sweet)

“Gentleman! We will be late if we do not get in the car now!” You yell up the stairs listening for life from above.

“Momma, we are coming. Just needs to add a few touches.” Vince’s voice echoes down the stairwell.

“Honey, I got the boys dressed what touches did they need?” You pinch your nose in between your fingers as you look up to see your husband and twin two year olds finally emerging in your view. Vince easily carrying both boys in one arm with the cheesiest smile you’ve ever seen across your husband’s face.

“The Dunner boys need to be stylin’ on the golf course.” Vince sings and you take in the sight of your three boys. Hunter and Archer now wearing coordinating yellow and blue caddy hats that look adorable with their Blues polos and gingham shorts that match Vince. “See Momma!” Vince steps down and brushes his lips against yours. “They look adorable and you look very beautiful, Mrs. Dunn.” He breathes into your ear and you feel the goosebumps down yours spine.

“Yes, Daddy did good with the hats. Now if my styling boys don’t get buckled up in their car seats we will be late for your work event!” Your eyes dart at Vince who has a smug accomplished smile he’s not even trying to hide pulled across his lips.

You make your way to the golf event. The boys babbling from the back and Vince’s hand gliding ever so softly over your leg humming to the radio. “Can you please make sure you keep track of both of them? BOTH, Vince. Two.” Your thoughts finally come out of your mouth and you hold up two fingers.

“Yes Babe. Sammy is riding with us.” His eyes dart to the mirror. “Did you hear that boys? Uncle Sammy is going golfing with us today.” The twins cheer from their respective carseats then Vince’s eyes move to you. “We will not lose one in a sand trap or water feature. Promise Baby.” Vince laughs and you gasp as he squeezes your thigh in reassurance.

Pulling up to the golf course you see the other Blue’s players getting out of their cars while Vince parks. “See Babe, not late.” He whispers and opens the door. Vince retrieving Archer and you Hunter from the back their little hands getting lost in Vince’s as he takes both of them and walks in. “You go enjoy the charity auction thingy that you do every year and we will see you after our round.” His lips catch yours and you feel the tug of little hands on your legs. Turning your attention to your boys you dip down.

“Babies, listen to Daddy and the team okay?” Both little heads bob in understanding. You kiss each on their chubby toddler cheeks and stand back. Vince’s lips puckered ready for your kiss. You giggle and kiss him sweetly. “Please be careful, Vi.” You whisper and he winks at you. The boys let go of his hands and take off for the sea of hockey players who seem to absorb them. The one thing you loved about this team was you and the twins were family. That was solidified the season when they were newborns and you refused Vince’s suggestion to just hire a nanny. The girls, you now considered some of your best friends, took turns coming over during road trips. Making sure you ate, showered, slept and had adult conversation that wasn’t about baby poop.

“The boys look adorable as always!” Dayna’s voice broke your thoughts.

“Yeah. Thanks.” You see Vince mingling with the team and others out for the charity event. Your eyes scan down looking for tiny legs you don’t see.

“Over there, (y/n).” Dayna points towards the golf carts where Ryan and Sammy are playing putter sword fight with Archer and Hunter. You laugh and scan back to Vince. His eyes now looking for the boys. His eyes meet yours in a slight panic expression and you nod in the direction. Vince spots them and jogs over. “First time they’ve been out with the team for the event right? Last year, I remember a sneaky Archer eating cookies in the corner.” Dayna signs at the sweet memory.

“Yup.” You laugh remembering the amount of chocolate and pure joy on your one year old’s face. “I wonder if two is too young? Maybe they should come with us?” Your eyebrows raise.

“You know the boys wouldn’t let anything happen to those two.” Yana’s hand touches yours. “Let’s go.” She pulls your hand and look back to see Vince carefully loading the boys in the golf cart.

The event was great. Spending time with the ladies was perfect. Catching up from the summer and discussing plans for the season. Your eyes float to the door as the first group of players start to enter. You then see above the adult’s your smiling, happy boys. Hunter on Ryan’s shoulders and Archer on Sammy’s. “Momma!” They said in unison and both wiggled to get down. You bent down to wrap them up in a hug.

“Did we have fun with Daddy?” You kiss at both of their wiggly faces and looked up to Vince. “Did Daddy do well?” Vince shrugs his shoulders and you raise up. “Golf go well? Boys did okay?”

“Golf was golf. The boys did amazing actually. Got some great video of them putting on the greens and...” Vince trails off.

“And what Vince?” You look down at your boys and pick Archer up. Vince scoops Hunter up without continuing. “And?” You encourage.

“And maybe we made sand angels.” Vince’s face squishes up and you remove Archer’s hat. Running your fingers through his curls you feel it. The gritty sand all throughout the tight twists that both boy’s got from Vince.

“Oh!” You shake your fingers through his hair and sand spills out. You reach over to Hunter who already has his hat off and do the same. “Well, I guess we are taking baths when we get home boys.” You look back up to Vince. You run your fingers through his curls too. “Really Babe?” You shake your head as you feel the sand in his curls.

“I’ll take a bath too.” He winks at you and scans the room. “Now where are those cookies?” Both boys squealed with delight as you both laugh. All three take off.

“One cookie each Vince! One!” His thumb reaches back as he weaves through the crowd after the twins. You cross your arms and smile then make your way towards the dessert table. As suspected each boy had a cookie in each hand. Vince had two sandwiches between his fingers and one shoved in his mouth.

“We’ve been caught boys!” Vince mumbled as he chewed.

“Maybe Momma needs to go find the new team nutritionist. I just met...” Vince pulls you towards him and you stare into his eyes. Lost in how he was making you feel with a crowd of people and your twins at your feet.

“You were saying Babe?” His hand firmly on the small of your back and his lips curled in satisfaction.

“Just give me a bite.” You winked and bite at the cookie in his hand. Vince laughs and kisses you.

“Let’s do our rounds and get these boys home. What do you say?” He releases you and grabs Archer’s now chocolate covered hand.

“Sounds perfect.” You wink taking Hunter’s hand and following Vince back into the sea of people.

#k's one shots #vince dunn #What have I dunn?#soft fluffy fic #golf outing fic

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